Ok, so we are planning on doing a live chat during each episode, then follow up with posts that are better thought-out a day or two after each episode.
I should note that “West breaks” denote the times that our four year wanders out of his room upstairs with very important announcements like “this book came out of its cover but I didn’t do it,” and “I am going to pee in the big toilet!” (West breaks 1 and 2, respectively, in this episode).
Episode One- Sassenach
Drew: Are we ready to do this?
Jen: Let’s do it!
Drew: Mild violence only? Lame.
Jen: I want to go to there.
Drew: She sounds like she’s happy about all the missing people.
“I’ve also never owned a chair. Because I’m always moving.”
Jen: See, there’s war and blood. Enough to keep men interested in the show!
Drew: Was that blood or HP sauce?
Perfect red sash of gore there.
So where is she?
Jen: Britain…. I guess.
Were there injured soldiers getting shot in Britain then?
Drew: So they just shipped the torn meat leg guys all the way? VERY URGENT BLEEDING OUT WOT WOT
Jen: Ok, you should know that Jamie calls Claire Sassenach through the whole series, it’s his term of endearment.
Drew: Shadrach? Like the Beastie Boys song?
Jen Meger: It means “Outlander” in Gaelic
Drew: Wait, Inverness? Does Nessie show up?
Jen: NO SPOILERS!
Drew: WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY
Is that Brutus from Rome? Not a good sign for faithfulness.
Jen: It is indeed.
Drew: Thanks, Professor Exposition!
Jen: That is actually just how that character is.
Drew: Door does not open past the carpet. Great planning there, Scottie.
Claire is a manic pixie girlfriend.
Drew: 10 minutes in, first West break!
Jen: You know it!
Drew: 11 minutes in, 2nd West break.
Jen: This is why we can’t have nice things!
Drew: No linens on the canopy. Truly these are barbarous times.
Is this a flashback of a flashforward?
Jen: Ha. Back but more forward than… most of the show.
Remember this castle!
Drew: Why didn’t she leave a note for herself?
Jen: *shakes fist* Why indeed.
Drew: Also, there was a metal shortage. That sheetmetal would have been melted down.
“Someone has loosely hung fake vines over our fake castle!”
Jen: Tee hee
Oh my god. Your note comment is now messing with my head. This is the past of her future!
Well now, that’s not in the book!
Drew: Brutus come to Caesar bury.
The Reverend has come a long way since Dibny.
I read tea leaves too. “You will need to pee soon,” is what they say.
“Also, don’t tell the Rev I’m read tea and palms. He’ll burn me as a witch.”
So the past knew she would travel in time.
Jen: Oh yeah, the unexplained Highlander ghost that we still have no explanation for 8 books later.
Jen: I am pretty sure the author was throwing everything and the kitchen sink into the first book.
Drew: ‘Lord John’s Sink: A Novel of Highland Plumbing’ due out in 2016!
Jen: Seems legit!
Drew: We’ll see, Brutus.
An alarm for fucking.
Ding dong; dong.
Ancient Aliens tie-in in 3…
Jen: Ancient Aliens: Giants Edition
Yes, they were.
The dancers finish, the busload of tourists on the other side of the hill clap and head off to their breakfast.
Hide, hide from the young girl!
So the last modern song she hears is Run, Rabbit, Run? Hella bad earworm.
The author then realized her book was boring so she decided to CHANGE SHIT UP
“Flower pickery? MORE LIKE TIME TRAVELRY!”
Jen: Aw yeah! No one wants to read a book about some history professor’s genealogy research for 1000 pages.
Time for some swashbuckling!
Drew: My mom does.
They should have just cut to her frozen corpse floating alone in the void of space. In a few hundred years, when the Earth and solar system move to her location, she burns up on re-entry, becoming a fleck of dust that flies into the eye of a driver, causing them to flip their car while she is in the back seat.
Techno-bagpipe woods chase! Time for the drop, McScryllix!
Jen: Time for some Vampire Diaries-esque acting! Two characters for every actor!
Drew: Scots Ninja!
Jen: You laugh but at least we avoid the standard trope of the lady not knowing what’s going on for half the book.
Like Bella taking hundreds of pages to google vampire
Drew: Do they meet Tom Bombadil in this book or the next one?
Jen: Actually… this one
So the British were waiting for them to run away BEFORE springing the trap?
Jen: Well, it does take quite a while for them to subdue the Scottish countryside
Drew: They might subdue faster if the try to catch their prey before they flee.
So if this show takes off, will there be ‘Scottish Hostage Tours’ of the Highlands?
Jen: Sign me up!
Drew: Beardo McLurky looks familiar.
OH SNAP IT’S THE SAME CASTLE. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF A SHOW WITH A LIMITED BUDGET REUSING A SET???
What a twist!
Jen: THAT WAS EVERYTHING I HOPED FOR!!!!
Drew: Hey, Liverpool is winning.