Episode Nine- The Reckoning
Drew:On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited are you?
Jen:I AM SO EXCITED! I just wrote that in all caps without a caps lock button, that is how excited I am. OMG.
Drew:for Mountain Monsters
Drew:You didn’t let me finish.
So we’re watching Buck get stuck in mud now.
If the Wildman doesn’t get him, the gout will.
Buck, why you make the choices you do?
Jen: There is way too much Mountain Monsters going on right now.
Drew: You like shows about dudes with beards so I got a show about dudes with beards.
Jen: I guess it’s a fantasy epic?
Drew: It’s go time.
Jen: Yes! We are clicking into episode 109 on the On Demand
Drew: Previously, Crazy Legs and Sad Ben Franklin conspire against Jerkface Williams.
Then Tounglo sets a trap for our heroes.
Jen: I can’t believe how good this show is. It’s like a dream come true. I am a nerd!
Drew: A Jamie voice over what crap is this?
Jen: Jamie voiceover!
Drew: Who is he talking to? A pine cone? He’s talking to a pine cone with some googly eyes pasted on.
(The pine cone is Claire. WHAT A TWIST)
Jen: Who is that blonde chick walking fuzzily in the background?
Oh, that’s Horrocks! (not the blonde chick)
So Jamie has a price on head for murder. Randall actually committed the murder. Dun Dun!
Drew: You had One Job, kid.
Bilbo and Breeze!
Jen: Sing me a song of a lass that is gone!!!!!!!!
I have listened to this song so many times
Drew: Bill Paterson? I love Calvin and Hobbes!
Jen: Prepare yourself, you’re going to hear this song A LOT in the car in Scotland
Drew: y a y
There has to be a dubstep remix
Sing me a WUBWUBWUB
Jen: Be the change you want to see in the world
I mean, make a dubstep remix
Ha! Murtagh has so much more personality in the show than in the book
Drew: Poor Head Wound Harry.
Yeah, that seems secure. I mean, it only wobbled with one light tug.
Why didn’t he just shoot?
Jen: You’ll find out
Drew: I could do without the boob shaving.
Jen: Wow they went off book on this, it’s a lot more menancing
Drew: You could at least draw a dick on Randall’s face, Jamie.
Jen: Nicely done, show, that was actually nail bitey even though I knew what would happen
Drew: So you were worried that the two main characters would be killed off halfway through the first season?
Jen: Har har
Drew: I’ve forgotten how birdlike Claire is.
Jen: Majestic like an eagle?
Drew: Jamie is self absorbed.
Get a fedora, bro.
Jen: Ahhhh, they are doing a good job with the book material! this is straight up word for word from a big fight scene
Drew: SO Jamie manipulates and gets his apology.
Jen: Well, it’s not like he understands the mindset of a person who grew up two hundred years in the future
Drew: So is Claire gonna thank the other people who risked their lives for her? Nope.
Jen: Ha, that is a Point Of Contention
The dudes are super mad at her
Huh, there you go, you get a thank you
Drew: You got me, Claire.
Jen: That doesn’t even happen in the book
Well, fandom is about to lose some people
Drew: Oh. Is this The Thing?
Like, the NBC makes a miniseries about it for some reason Thing?
Jen: Yup, The Thing
We were kinda hoping they would leave this out of the show
Drew: Are… they making it sexy?
Jen: It’s not their fault, D. Gabals made it sexy. Or at least, she thinks so. She thinks it’s sexy and funny.
Drew: Well, to be honest, I was worried he was going to punch her in the face.
Jen: Ok, I did think it was going to be.. worse? than that. I mean, I am not loving it and I think it’s a bad authorial choice, but they did what they could with their source material
Drew: But the dudes are talking to her again, so yay?
Jen: Yeah, all it takes a good smackdown and dudes are again ok with an opinionated woman.
Aw, all our old Castle Leoch buddies
Drew: Mrs Padmore!
Jen: Now can someone get Claire one of the many extra super cute dresses just lying around the castle?
Drew: What’s going on now? It’s like 30 minutes of awkward glances.
Jen: I want to go to there. Oh, we will!
Ugggghhh this doesn’t happen in the book
Drew: I believe it’s pronounced “Larry”
Ooooh, political intrigue!
Drew: Dude is gonna get Bran’d out that window if he’s not careful.
Jen: Dougal starting to show why the firebrand of the family can’t be the laird of the clan
Drew: Wait, so he wants Jamie to succeed him?
Collum, that is.
Jen: That was all off-book, so it’s news to me
Oh no, Willie!
Drew: Digital snow looks fake.
Jen: Who’s with me is the most loaded question of this episode
Drew: I mean, their hair is not moving.
I’m on Team Larry.
VOTE LARRY #1 GAWP
I want to get a leather bottle like that.
Jen: You should get one!
Drew: It makes everything taste like ass!
Jen: I mean, wear your kilt and drink from your awesome leather bottle and I will sing the show theme song and life will be awesome
Drew: Child Protective Services is going to have a field day.
Jen: It’s not illegal to love history!
Drew: But it is illegal to make a 4 year old distill whisky
Jen: See, Jamie is smart! He’s all brokering peace and stopping clan civil war
Drew: Has any good ever come of keeping a crow in your office? Like, that’s not something that Good Guys do.
Jen: That’s a dirk?! That thing is huge. I thought it was a wee little pocketknife
Drew: No way. The little one is the one Claire has for rapists.
“My lucky D&D dice!” shouts Dougal in joy.
Jen: Oh, poor Ned!
Drew: Sad Ben Franklin
Drew: Go go Team Larry! Gawp to 1000!
Jen: Ugggghhhh awkward conversation
Drew: Naked under the cloak.
OMG get your filthy paws off him!
Oh, come on. This doesn’t happen at all in the book, Jamie has like no thoughts at all about her
Drew: Dude is living the life.
He’s got a place down by the river.
Hotties all showing off their Emma Frost cosplay outfits.
Jen: Although I kinda see what they’re getting at, and I’m ok with it. In the book Claire is consumed with jealousy about Leghair and paces around the room becoming Insane With Jealous Rage
OMG, though, no one with curly hair brushes their hair with brushes. Stop brushing your hair, Claire!
Drew: She has to do something. They can’t give her some pan pipes or something.
“Claire, I am trying to talk to you…”
“It’s Zampclaire, Master of the Pan Pipes to you!”
Jen: Oh, they are going to have a big moment
Drew: A big pan pipe solo you mean
So Jamie locked himself out of his house
Jamie and Claire, running to a locked door, redcoats chasing. Jamie shrugging, Claire sighs and pulls out her pan pipes.
We’re running with the pipes now.
It’s a thing.
Spread the word.
Hey, it’s EVERY BOOK COVER IN THE ROMANCE SECTION
Jen: Shut up this is the greatest love story of all time
Drew: Our Romance section is NC17
We need to do more swordplay in bed.
Jen: I am really clumsy though
Drew: “I swear we will find the Graaaaiiiiilllll!!!”
That is one crackly fire.
Like is Rupert eating a big bowl of rice krispies in the chair?
Weirdest. Episode. Of Sesame Street. Ever.
Jen: Ahhhh I am so glad this show exists!
Drew: So are we going to have a season of Evil Larry?
Jen: We are going to wait until next week’s episode!
Drew: What a weird statement, Jen.
I mean, yes? We are?
Could we not?
Jen: You know what I mean.
Don’t be willfully obtuse!