This week we welcomed back Tenillypo from Despair in the Afternoon to watch the episode and live chat with us. Yes, we all sit around our living room drinking wine/beers and communicating through our laptops. What? This is modern life. Also, I like snark better when it is not getting in the way of my hearing the actual show.
Live chat this way!
Drew: This working? Google, you are messing this up 100%
Jen: Halp us Google
Tenillypo: WHY IS THIS SO HARD
Jen: This is going to be a beast to transcribe
Are we ready?
Tenillypo: Punch it, Chewy
Drew: Do you mean THE BEST to transcribe?
Ray Bradbury ahoy!
Jen: Ray Bradbury? Isn’t that a Macbeth reference? Or am I an idiot?
Tenillypo: I just spilled wine down my shirt. This is going to be amazing.
Drew: Don’t they flush a Ghoulie down the toilet and it ends up eating a butt? That happened in Something Wicked This Way Comes, right? Or was it Ghoulies?
80s horror yo
Jen: No never visit someone sometimes when they are creepy, Claire!
Drew: Sad Ben Franklin! Crazy Eyes! Larry Frost!
The gang’s all here
Tenillypo: Then she’d have no one to talk to.
Jen: This song is perfection
Drew: The Dunk of Sandwichham is here
Jen: That is your Boston ComicCon costume.
Drew: Claire is gonna be there, yanno
Meanwhile, on the pron planet…Breakfast in bed SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT
Tenillypo: Thanks, Drew
Drew: DING DONG TACO TRUCK IS HERE
Jen: Look, this is free weekend for Starz to try to get more subscribers. Give the people what they want!
Drew: Good jorb beardo.
Tenillypo: I’m so distracted by his pants right now
Jen: It is actually historically accurate!
Drew: They’re nice pants. A fine twill.
Jen: I read a website that told me so.
Tenillypo: IT LOOKS WRONG
Jen: I mean, it is cold there, they must have worn pants sometimes
Tenillypo: His junk should be free!
Drew: Maybe it’s not pants, just two skinny kilts.
Jen: Original hipster yo
Drew: Thrill to legal ramblings!
Tenillypo: Wait, even if the murder charge was cleared, wouldn’t he still be wanted from blowing up the Fort at this point?
Jen: I am not sure anyone but Black Jack knows who was involved in the fort blowing up
Drew: I think the Fort just blew up on its own. Poor English workmanship.
Tenillypo: Well, he knows Jaime broke in…
Jen: This is really interesting, this whole discussion never happened in the books
Drew: Only the law librarian would find that interesting.
Jen: Hey! That’s… true
Drew: Mrs Padmore looks more and more like a California Raisin.
Jen: Uh, Claire, how is this conversation going to be helpful?
That is not helping, Claire!
Drew: Go go Team Larry!
…but tell me more about “swine drunk” says Claire. Farty Wizard!
Jen: Yes, the gassy guy!
Everything I love in a show, some dude yelling about farts and some long serious talks about The Law
Drew: That’s me, by the way.
I am the Merlin of Fart Yelling.
Jen: What?! The woods are dark and creepy in modern times, I’m not going into night woods if I ever travel back in time!
Tenillypo: Oh, not me. I’ll live in the woods and be a weird nymph lady
Jen: Would you, really?
Drew: What kind of Forest Goddess demands her worshipers wear only the flimsyist of clothes?
And then throw torches about?
Tenillypo: Oh, definitely.
Jen: That’s how forest fires get started, Geilis!
Tenillypo: I like how Claire’s in furs and they’re wearing curtains
Drew: I see she knows the Old West way of loving Mother Earth.
Tenillypo: Orgasmic wood rituals demand cold nipples!
Drew: She just lampshaded her own nipples.
Jen: Oh snap!
Tenillypo: Plot twist!
Drew: That is one smoking baby in a ditch, there Crazy Eyes.
What is going on with those jackets.
When I’m a wood nymph, I’m getting pointy hood
Drew: And Claire is an Eskimo?
Jen: Remember, audience? Remember that scene from 9 episodes ago?
Tenillypo: Lucky Claire has a such a good memory for such boring conversations!
Drew: The Wee Folk, aka raccoons.
Jen: The most nurturing of nature’s fairies. If she saw an actual fairy on the hill this show would take a total 180 away from the book
Drew: DOWNER TIME
Tenillypo: How did he know to find her on dead baby hill?
Drew: Do babies even die like that? Able to yell loudly, then one cough, and nothing?
…and he just boots it over the side
Jen: And, this baby goes back in the tree
Drew: File Dead Baby under Tree for tuberculosis
Jen: But how does this changeling myth work for people if they leave a baby on a hill and NO ONE’S HUMAN BABY IS EVER RETURNED?
Drew: Why would the fae give back their hostage?
Hey! It’s that guy! He’s been the murderer/murdered on many a Midsomer Murders. At least Claire isn’t getting drunk before trying to scheme this time.
Jen: Oh, olden times, when threats of beheadings were so casual and so realistic
Now Claire can get drunk!
Drew: Meanwhile, in Castle Muddbutt.
They are so off book in this episode. This is like the best most awesome fan fiction
Tenillypo: Why is he killing the furniture? Now where will they get drunk?
Drew: Good thing he didn’t smack himself with his swordhand.
Tenillypo: At the rate people die on this show, if this is the typical reaction, it’s a wonder they have any tables left
Also hard to care about this when we know he was boning witch nymph lady…?
Drew: Don’t pour one out….!
Now draw a wang on his face!
Tenillypo: Man, I need some of that drugged wine for my next red eye
Drew: Uggos work in the mud!
Jen: Claire now regretting her one friend
Drew: Why would you hang around with Crazy Eyes after that? “Yeah, I killed that woman and will prolly kill again. Tee Hee!”
Jen: I like the Duke’s honesty
Tenillypo: I want to be eccentric and rich!
Drew: I Loathe Work! – That’s a notable quotable.
Tenillypo: It looks like so much fun
Drew: A duel with Ronald McDonald!??
“Nobody is touching my bowl of fruit stack!” worries Mrs. Padmore.
Tenillypo: Good job murdering that cake… thing
Drew: So what is in the cake thing? It’s… it’s not the tree baby is it
Farty is gonna do his dance! Oh wait
Tenillypo: Good poker face, murder nymph
Jen: This is like the only thing in this episode that happened in the book. This and the dead baby on the hill
Drew: Murder Nymph was the name of my second band.
Tenillypo: Ok, now I’m distracted by Claire’s furry choker
Drew: Oh hey, it’s that one scene from the opening.
Jen: What? I don’t understand how this duel works
Did they fire into the air?
Drew: Yeah, the fact that they fired is enough.
Tenillypo: Well, that escalated quickly
Drew: Claire all mad he didn’t keep to his shoulder wounds only promise.
They said numbskull back then? Crazy Legs is chewing up the tapestries tonight.
Tenillypo: Usually I’m team!CrazyLegs, but he’s kind of being a bag of dicks.
Drew: “Well, after a good shout, it’s time to feed my ravens. Here you go, Luna Lovegood.”
Jen: I love the continuity of having that kid back!
Drew: Uh oh! A letter! Soon a number!
Thugs! Armed thugs! At the door
Jen: Shit is about to go down!
Next week! Larry! In the background, twirling a mustache!
Drew: Thanks thug. Thanks for giving me that ‘feisty little witch’ accolade.
“So much of that was completely made up.” Jen, 2014, regarding a fictional time travel story.