After missing last week’s recap, I admit that my heart may not be in this anymore. Not much seems to be happening and we’ve reached the point where even if you have not read the books, you can pretty much guess what will be happening. I really need a nutso left turn to keep my interest up. Jen claims things go bananas next week, but next week we’re on vacation in Actual Scotland so who knows.
So I’m not going to do this week either. Instead, I have secured a Special Guest to recap with me. Don’t worry – he’s really, really cool. What’s even better, he was actually involved in the production of this episode, so hopefully we can get some behind the scenes info.
Watchy, the Cool Watch! You might think he was just an unsubtle allegory carried around by a Scottish mob boss, but it turns out he was so much more than that!
WATCHY: Hey Drew, Nice to be here.
DREW: Great to have you, Watchy. Thanks again. Should we dive right in?
WATCHY: Sure, sure. It’s your show.
DREW: What do you remember of this episode?
W: Quite a lot, actually. I mean, when the episode is named after you, you can’t help but burn the memory into your gears.
D: Oh? So the title “The Watch” actually refers to you?
W: That’s what Ron told me. Originally, the episode was going to be called “More of the Same” or “Hassle at the Castle” but after my performance – I improved most of it – Ron took me aside and said they were going to rename the episode after my character.
D: Wow. That’s a pretty big honor. I thought that the episode was named after the corrupt Watch organization that opened the ep with guns pointed this way and that.
W: Nope. I don’t know how much you know about filming TV shows-
D: Very little. After that guest arc on Punky Brewster I pretty much left the biz.
W: Right. So they don’t film things in order to match the show, instead, they film based on logistics – who’s available, what’s the weather like, is the shoulder wound special effects girl available, and so on. So my parts were done pretty early in the run.
D: I see what you did there.
D: Parts? You’re a watch?
W: Ah. Yeah. That’s slightly timepiecest..
D: Oh. Sorry.
W: No problem. You didn’t know. Where was I?
D: Uh, you were talking about the naming of the episode.
W: Right, right. Anyways, in the original script the Black Watch was called “Yet Another Bunch of Scottish Jerks”.
D: Oof. That’s a bit on the nose.
W: That’s what I thought too. I don’t know if you’ve read the books…
D: It’s pretty well established that I haven’t.
W: I skimmed them prepping for my role. Anyways, if you look at the books there’s an endless number of Scottish jerks running about. I pointed this out to Ron but as you know, he’s a slave to source material.
D: Really? What about Starbuck being a m-
W: A slave to source material, right. So he balked at my suggestion to rename the group. “Ron,” I said, “Just give me five minutes and I’ll convince you.” And he did and I did! (laughs)
D: So he renamed the entire group after you?
W: Yup! Some of the parts had already been filmed – the real jerky parts with that guy whose face looked like a fleshy orange setting fire to things and this long series of prank phone calls-
D: I had heard that Ron Moore was a huge Jerky Boys fan.
W: Right! I thought it was a rumor, but sure enough, my first day on set I found him huddled in his trailer, hat on backwards, listening to Jerky Boys tapes.
D: So the original Black Watch just prank called the people of Scotland?
W: They also crucified some dudes.
D: Just like the real Jerky Boys.
W: Like I said, Ron Moore is a slave to source material. So we had to leave a lot of the pranking in, but we managed to get him to cut the anachronistic phone calls.
D: I just think it’s weird that telephones would be in the books.
W: The books are about stones that make you travel through time, rejecting all laws of physics as we know them… Phones are a thing that actually can happen. To complain about phones would be like complaining about vampires showing up in a werewolf movie.
D: Wait. Does that mean that-
W: I was also in the pregnancy scenes.
W: Method acting, dude. Laura (Donnelly) is a huge method actor and in order to play a pregnant spitfire, she needed, you know, someone to play the fetus. I was on set and willing to work for scale, so foom, up I went.
D: Up? What did you, uh, foom.. up?
W: Woah, dude. Not like that. I was just under the stuffing in her prosthetic belly.
D: Oh. Okay.
W: Movie magic.
W: Also, I played the baby.
W: They just animated a fake baby over me. If you look at the stills, you can even see my fob hanging out in a few scenes where they forgot to add in the umbilical cord.
D: Huh. What was that like?
W: Pretty boring, to be honest. We’ve all seen the ‘tense birthing scene’ on TV like a thousand times. It either ends in a surprisingly fast recover or the death of the mom. Still, work is work and Ron likes to work with actors who are a ‘known quantity’ like me.
D: So you’ve been in other scenes?
W: Oh, yeah. Every watch seen on the show is me in makeup.
W: Even the clocks.
D: That must take awhile.
W: You’re not kidding. It takes like three hours just to get into the Father Bain outfit.
D: Wait. I thought Tim McInnery from Blackadder was Father Bain?
W: Sure, they bring him in during post production to do some ADR, but for most of it, it’s just me being held up by a Key Grip with a priest’s cassock over his head.
D: I’m finding this harder to believe.
W: You are interviewing a talking watch.
D: Touche. Well, can you give us any hints as to what to expect as the season winds up?
W: What did I say about the watch puns?
D: Sorry, that was my Dad talking, not me.
W: You’re better than that.
D: Thanks, Watchy.
W: As for what to expect – I figure you’ve watched the show this long, you pretty much know what will happen. There will be a daring rescue, a steamy sex scene, a needless complication, and then a cliffhanger ending that will make the fanbase raise their wristmittened fists to the sky in anguish until the show comes back in October 2018.
D: Really? That long?
W: Yeah, Ron and I are doing a touring Jerky Boys show. It’s going to take awhile.
D: Will you be doing their famous bits? Or new material?
W: Neither. It’ll just be two hours of Ron sitting on stage, listening to his Jerky Boys tapes. I count down the minutes while the audience screams abuse at him for taking so long to finish the show.
D: That… that sounds like genius.
W: Thanks. It was my idea.
D: Of course.
W: Of course.
D: So before we win- er, end things…
W: Nice catch.
D: Thanks. Canipleasewindyou?
D: *shudders, makes cooing noises as he touches the coolest watch ever made*